


i feel so used, but i'll watch you reach the stars

by andrewwtca



Category: SK8 the Infinity (Anime)
Genre: ADHD Kyan Reki, Angst, Autistic Hasegawa Langa, Cussing, Friends to Enemies, Gay, Hurt No Comfort, I posted this before episode 10, I'm Bad At Summaries, I'm Bad At Tagging, Insecure Kyan Reki, Kyan Reki Needs a Hug, M/M, POV Third Person, but he won't accept it from Langa, no beta we die just like what the fans did to the palm trees
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-12
Updated: 2021-03-12
Packaged: 2021-03-20 11:00:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,945
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30003840
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/andrewwtca/pseuds/andrewwtca
Summary: Langa’s got a golden opportunity to make things right with his broken board. Standing in front of Reki’s house, there’s no way this can go wrong.
Relationships: Hasegawa Langa/Kyan Reki
Comments: 25
Kudos: 106





	i feel so used, but i'll watch you reach the stars

**Author's Note:**

> Hey y’all! I got inspiration like two days ago for this and I just had to write this before episode 10 came out. I also think that Reki kins the song Rät by Penelope Scott, which is where the title came from.

It’s a small house once full of aspirations and big dreams. It’s a big family with a small boy, drowning in his own thoughts. It’s an ego crushed by the owner’s small rejection box. And it’s a hopeful blue-haired boy standing in front of it all with a board tucked under his arm and a breath held in his lungs.

No one can blame Langa for how things happened. He isn’t good at picking up social cues or figuring out people. Even in Canada, Langa was never able to see into the soul of someone (though that could be because he could never look someone in the eye). And Reki had distanced himself before Langa began to sprint closer and closer to becoming the best.

Nonetheless, Langa has picked up enough hints from his friends to gather the courage to stand in front of Reki’s house, deck tucked under his arm.

There is so much his mind wants to say but so little his voice will actually say. People often take it as a sign that he’s rude, but he’s not a very people-person and conversation doesn’t come easy to him. Reki just makes being around him simple, carrying conversations on his back and making Langa laugh for hours. Only Reki made Langa laugh like that. 

Actions mean more than words, he’s learned. In his case, actions speak louder than words too. So Langa taking a step forward, raising his hand and knocking on the door means a lot more than Langa whispering an apology in class. It means a lot more than Langa futilely grabbing Reki’s arm in the hallway and muttering how much he misses him. And it certainly means a lot more than texting Reki’s number again, to which he always receives an error message.

The wait isn’t too long—Langa overhears some shouting, names tossed around as to who opens the door, before it does, a polite smile on Mrs. Kyan’s face. It fades noticeably when she realizes who came, holding a hand on her hip. “Hello Langa.”

Langa hesitates before bowing his head slightly. “Good evening, Mrs. Kyan. Is… Is Reki here?” His voice is steadier than he expected it to be. Perhaps the pep-talks did get into his head and succeeded in reminding him that the redhead is worth fighting for. His loneliness is worth overcoming.

“Ever since you two… Had your falling out, he’s spent most of his time in his room,” she explains, eyes heavy. She’s used to her son falling in and out of interests, but she had hoped this time, skateboarding would keep him a happy nerd. Instead he’s become a shell of who he used to be, just like how it’s always been.

“I… I see,” Langa nods, his back straightening. He doesn’t make eye contact. Even if he could, he doesn’t want to see her eyes. He doesn’t want to be reminded of how messed up things have become. Reki, the skateboard fanatic, trapping himself in his room when he should be with Langa, talking about silly stories and riding up walls together. “I’m sorry.”

Mrs. Kyan stands for a moment, contemplating and glancing at the broken board. The worst thing that can happen? Reki and Langa don’t make up. The best that can happen? It’s simple to figure out what that is. But she and Langa both know that if worst comes to be, that it’ll ruin things for much longer. It’s only a brief moment of contemplation before her beam returns and she steps aside. “I’m not the one you should apologize to. Just make sure you tell it to him straight, Langa.”

Langa doesn’t stall, murmuring a thank you before heading inside. Taking off his shoes and greeting Reki’s sisters (who give him a surprised look), it feels like things are back to normal. Things are the way they should be—Reki and Langa, being friends, sharing touches and inside jokes that no sane person would understand. 

But standing in front of the room, decorated with colorful assortments of stickers, haphazardly stuck atop one another, he realizes things couldn’t be more different. A bead of sweat slides down the hand clutching the board, the other held inches away from the door. The pep talk seems to have weared off as he didn’t feel this nervousness when he knocked on the Kyan household’s door. Is it because it’s Reki?

Of course it’s because it’s Reki. It’s always been because of Reki. It’s him, it’s all for him. And now, he’s going to get him back. He’s going to find the words he needs to say and he’s going to make it up to his best friend. And maybe, just maybe, he’ll find the courage in his heart to kiss those cherry lips he’s admired for so long.

He knocks. The sound echoes through the room and Langa hears shuffling from behind it. Reki doesn’t call out or ask who it is, expecting one of his sisters most likely. It’s obvious from the look of annoyance on his face that he was ready to tell one of the girls off before it shifts into shock.

Langa. It’s Langa. 

The traitor. Reki pursues his lips.

Reki wants to close the door but he manages to find the decency to not slam it shut and leaves it open. Taking a few steps back and Langa doing the opposite, he feels the urge to probe his ex-friend. Not from some sadistic hatred, no, but to prove to himself that he’s doing just fine. That he doesn’t need the blunet in his life. He doesn’t need to chase after someone who isn't holding their hand out.

Reki doesn’t need to smile at the sun, so far away and so bright because he’ll never get near it. He doesn’t need to endure the beautiful snow, cold biting at his heart. He doesn’t need Langa, despite his sobs at night calling for him, his emptiness when he looks at skateboards. He doesn’t need to be by his side when Langa reaches the stars. He doesn’t need to be with Langa, he just needs to be left alone.

Reki opens his mouth to speak, unsure of what he was even going to say—he never knows what he’s going to say, which everyone uses as an excuse to call him an idiot—but he’s cut off.

“Reki,” Langa manages. Reki’s heart leaps into his chest, betraying him. He wants to scream at it to be still, to not go for the boy who’s left him for a monster but the heart knows what it wants and it wants Langa. “Reki, I…”

“You won,” Reki says. His voice is emotionless, cold and lonely compared to his warm hair. But even that is drooping, lacking product and enthusiasm. “Did you really have to come all this way to tell me that?”

Langa quickly nixes the notion, his nervousness choking him. “I’m not here to boast, I’m here for you.”

“Well, here I am, so you can go now. You can leave me alone, now. You’ve won against Joe and now you can go face Adam, right? So go!”

A heavy silence drags between them and Langa is at yet another loss for words, his reticence peering through. He knows two languages and yet he can’t find a single phrase to say that’ll make it better. Keeking at his board, he grasps on to the one universal language the two share.

“Can you fix my board?” Langa asks brusquely, holding the wood and wheels in front of him. Reki reluctantly takes it, expecting the damage. The tail of it is chipped clean off though the wheels are intact and the rest of the deck remains. Though, it would be much easier if he just paid for a new one instead of asking the redhead to glue it back together.

Reki shakes his head dubiously, cynicism creeping into his frown. He runs his free hand through his hair, the other holding the blue board in his hand. His fingers pull down on the strands, yearning to pull on it and release it from the scalp it's being held hostage on. He wants to scream into a void because it’s not like anyone would listen if he did in front of them.

Is this Langa’s way of mending their relationship? Instead of apologizing, he wants Reki to glue their relationship back together. 

“Really?” Reki scoffs, dropping his hand from his hair. His other hand, gripping the deck is shaking, his fingers turning red from holding too hard. His mind is going white from anger, pure unfiltered anger which has for far too long been muted out and tainted with blue and grey. “Is this all you think of me? Someone to fix your board? You come all this way after winning a race just to ask me to fix your board? Do you really think I’m that easy?”

Langa’s eyes open and he frantically shakes his head. Searching for the right words, he can’t seem to find any and he looks at the ground. “No, Reki, no… I… I miss you. I miss skating with you.”

“Tough,” Reki spits, holding the board with both his hands. Reki isn’t one for eye-contact—it’s too much stress to stare someone down like that, too distracting to hold it and such. But if Langa looked up, he’d see that Reki threw that all away and was glaring at him. “I’m not going to let you use me to send you off to your death.”

Langa looks up, sucking in a breath. “I don’t want to use you. I want to skate with you. Reki—”

“You know what, Langa, I have to admit, I really don’t give a shit what you want because you did what you did. And you know what? You should just get a new board! Forget me because you’re so fucking good at that, aren’t you?”

Langa’s next breaths are shaky but he forces his words to be strong. “I didn’t forget you. I looked for you. I’m sorry.”

Reki doesn’t have a comeback. Maybe the blunet didn’t forget him. Maybe this is all some misunderstanding. Maybe they both just have different wants and needs and they just need to sit down and talk to each other. Maybe that boy is still his best friend and the person who makes him the happiest. 

Maybe holding the other’s hand and skating down a lonely alley will make it better. Maybe laughing together at some silly sign made by some foreigners will mend their broken relationship. Maybe throwing open water battles at each other will wash away their dispute. Maybe kissing each other will make it all go away.

In another life, maybe. But Reki doesn’t want to be swayed by naive hopes that they have a chance of fixing this because he knows himself better than anyone. He knows that this rejection will creep back. He knows people will keep laughing at him when they think he isn’t listening. He knows that Langa will disappear and he’ll be left behind. He knows that Langa will reach the stars and he'll be left on Earth.

So instead of kissing the boy who made everything alright for a few weeks, who made him float and laugh and made him feel like never before, instead of doing all that, he brings his knee up and slams the board down harshly, snapping it in half.

Langa lets out a gasp. Maybe it’s a cry. Reki doesn’t care either way. He doesn’t hold the pieces out and lets them drop to the floor. “Find someone else to watch you die.”

**Author's Note:**

> *insert the palm trees here*  
> This was very fun to write! This pairing is tearing me apart, I’m stuck between wanting to write fluff about them and wanting to write angst about them because there’s just so much potential for both. But I’m happy with how this turned out so I hope this made you feel angsty on the inside!
> 
> If you liked this, maybe leave some Kudos and a comment? I love hearing from y’all
> 
> [Come hang out with me on Twitter!](https://twitter.com/andrewwtca) We can brainrot together


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